// consider it
4/27/2014
@5:33 PM
"You cut up a thing that’s alive and beautiful to find out how it’s alive and why it’s beautiful, and before you know it, it’s neither of those things, and you’re standing there with blood on your face and tears in your sight and only the terrible ache of guilt to show for it."
[ clive barker ]
"You cut up a thing that’s alive and beautiful to find out how it’s alive and why it’s beautiful, and before you know it, it’s neither of those things, and you’re standing there with blood on your face and tears in your sight and only the terrible ache of guilt to show for it."
[ clive barker ]
// sleepless, again
4/15/2014
@8:44 AM
we [my parents and i] spoke with my school college councilor yesterday. i cried in front of everyone.
"you're overwhelmed," she said, placing a gentle, rational hand on my shoulder, handing me a tissue, "it's okay." but it wasn't okay.
"...you could end up graduating with an english literature degree along with thousands of others across the country, only to end up working at dunkin donuts." okay?
"we can't put out all this money when it won't reap any benefits..." clearly, not okay.
dear God, how can it be so easy, so exhilarating, thinking and talking about this with everyone before? to even spend my spare time looking into different programs, dreaming of nyc nightlife and fantastic getaways and a gazillion classes primarily focused on a major i actually enjoy? yes, i'm well aware that college won't be all fun and games. but how is it in that single hour or so in an office yesterday, i don't even want to consider any of it anymore?
i'm afraid of being unfulfilled, but i don't even know what kind of fulfillment i'm hoping for... does that make sense? it's not comforting in the least to know i'm not alone in feeling this, no- in fact, realizing that there are countless students just like me in the exact same predicament makes me feel all the more insignificant. it's the most terrifying thing.
i'm okay, but this is so messed up, i want to scream.
we [my parents and i] spoke with my school college councilor yesterday. i cried in front of everyone.
"you're overwhelmed," she said, placing a gentle, rational hand on my shoulder, handing me a tissue, "it's okay." but it wasn't okay.
"...you could end up graduating with an english literature degree along with thousands of others across the country, only to end up working at dunkin donuts." okay?
"we can't put out all this money when it won't reap any benefits..." clearly, not okay.
dear God, how can it be so easy, so exhilarating, thinking and talking about this with everyone before? to even spend my spare time looking into different programs, dreaming of nyc nightlife and fantastic getaways and a gazillion classes primarily focused on a major i actually enjoy? yes, i'm well aware that college won't be all fun and games. but how is it in that single hour or so in an office yesterday, i don't even want to consider any of it anymore?
i'm afraid of being unfulfilled, but i don't even know what kind of fulfillment i'm hoping for... does that make sense? it's not comforting in the least to know i'm not alone in feeling this, no- in fact, realizing that there are countless students just like me in the exact same predicament makes me feel all the more insignificant. it's the most terrifying thing.
i'm okay, but this is so messed up, i want to scream.
Proin eget lobortis libero. In rhoncus accumsan sem. Curabitur porta non dolor eget tincidunt. Praesent rhoncus tincidunt odio, ut laoreet arcu imperdiet ut. Sed accumsan eros a velit fermentum pellentesque. Maecenas lobortis nunc a elit aliquet dictum. Pellentesque ut accumsan risus.
